Letters to Tom Yodi : August 6, 1975

August 6, 1975

Deadwod, South Dakota

Dear Tom,

It's been more than a month since my first letter and I have received neither a reply nor that letter returned . I promised not to write you unless you asked me to, but last night I had a dream. In the dream an owl flew into my window and lighted on the footboard of my bed. The owl spoke to me and I took it as a sign. I cannot tell you what the owl said, not yet. It is too much for even this old man to bear...

All these years I have been known to you as Grandfather, the man you used to call Old Pa. If only you had known the truth. We have not spoken since the passing of your mother, since the funeral in fact. The blackest day of my life in this world is the day I lost you both. There was a time when you and I had been great friends. You were eager to learn and I was eager to teach you. There were things that passed between us that no man can take away, no death can erase. I tried to be there for you when the man you called your father was not. I did the best I could, but I know it was not enough.

Now you are at Green River, that cold place that is neither green nor fluid. It hardly seems fair, you paying the price for my sins and my foolishness. For I raised Dan Yodi. His weakeness was my weakness. But it is time now for the older generations to take responsibility for what the young have done. I am to blame for all that has befallen us. And I will make ammends if I can. I know that this cannot possibly provide you with any comfort, or ease your pain, but perhaps it may give you some hope that one day, if you get out of that place, there will be someone on the outside waiting who loves you.

I will write again Tom. If you wish me not to, I will understand. Just have them send me this letter back refused. Either way, I'll be here. I will hold on for as long as I can. I am sick now and admit that I am afraid to see a doctor. My body is failing and I am alone in a prison of my own making. Neither bars nor walls make a prison. Remember that.

Do what you can to make it through this Tom, and I will do what I can to survive your release so that we can walk again beneath the stars and marvel at all that is sacred and beautiful.

Your father,

Samuel H. Yodi